


leanin'

by gotobed



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Football, Mental Health Issues, Suicide, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23907376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotobed/pseuds/gotobed
Summary: he felt a little bit better but still like he’d knocked on deaths doorau fic where alex is a pro footballer and george is a small youtuber.TW for suicide etc
Kudos: 6





	leanin'

george woke up. he didn’t think he would. he couldnt believe he was still here. surely it should’ve worked but instead he was awake and wracked with guilt and nausea. nausea, his stomach lurched, he was certain he was going to throw up, he jumped up, the entire world shifting under his feet, he made it to the bathroom just in time to throw up everything, last nights dinner, a ton of expanded crushed paracetamol and vodka. he felt a little bit better but still like he’d knocked on deaths door.

alex was out, fourth day in a row and in the same pair of jeans and a tshirt he’d been wearing for the past five days. he was undoubtedly famous, one of the biggest youth football players in history. he was in LA, having fun on his holiday. he thought about going home but realised he didn’t want to. when his high wore off he’d be so low, like he was before this. he knew he should be happy, he was living his dream, doing everything he ever wanted. but he still didn’t want to be alive. he thought it’d get better when he was older but that was wrong. them he got handed another cap.

george still hadn’t stopped throwing up, his stomach hurt so bad, like someone was pulling it out of him and ripping it into little tiny pieces. he had been certain it’d work, but it didn’t and now he was reaping the consequences. it was only unfortunate that his consequence was pain but he felt it was what he deserved.

alex tripped over someones legs, another day, another party. he didn’t know where the hell he was or whether or not he knew anyone here. he was getting free booze and pills so what did he care? what should he care? not like he has any friends really. alex was desperately trying to live it out like a celebrity, he was gonna have to retire really young, he’d absolutely destroyed his body and the voice in the back of his head was so so convincing, he didn’t want to be involved with footy anymore.

george hated life, he had for a while, he couldn’t remember the last time he genuinely liked/enjoyed life. after his last suicide attempt he swore he wasn’t going to try again but sometimes he wished he could. his parents were desperate for him to go back to uni, the switch he’d made to full time youtube wasn’t one that they were very supportive of to say the least, they hated his decision, them constantly trying to make him go back to uni or atleast pick up a part time job that didn’t relate to the internet.

alex had been back in london for a few weeks, his apartment impossibly lonely, his only friends being the bottle he brought up to his lips and the smoke from cigarettes trapped inside his lungs. he hated it here. he knew it was just because he wasn’t in LA and doing drugs all the time but he couldn’t help but think it was more, so to keep himself preoccupied he made a youtube video. he hadn’t done it in a few years, his contract keeping him from being able to but he edited together the video, piecing his voice and actions and other little things into the video to make it roll, just the way the audience liked it.

george had been kicked out, he couldn’t believe it. he wouldn’t take up a second job or quit youtube because he didnt need it, as much as his parents didn’t believe him. so they told him he had to leave. if george was making enough money as a youtuber to support himself then he had to support himself. but george was done. with everything, life and youtube and his parents and everything. so once again he took a lot of painkillers, enough to take him down, surely.

alex was out on a late night pursuit of an escape, he didn’t care what it was, caps, tabs, anything. he didn’t think he’d come across a boy sitting by the side of the road leaning against the wall with his eyes closed and looking dead. alex didn’t know what to do, so he read the paper that was clutched tightly in his hand, it was a suicide note, alex dialled 999

alex found a few things out from the note, he’d read it and felt so bad about it, the boys name was george and he’d been kicked out, he was a youtuber but he’d never shown his face. alex felt bad, like it should’ve been him not george, but he knew he couldn’t change it but oh how he wished he could. and that’s how he found himself here. a note written and his legs dangling off the edge, he knew he shouldn’t do it but alex just tried to convince himself it was just unknown territory, the only reason he didn’t want to do it was because he didn’t know what was going to happen after. but he didn’t want to be scared, alex wasn’t scared, that wasn’t very alex.

alex didn’t care, besides, was he even alive? and then he leant over the edge to a fate just as depressing as his life.


End file.
